Humidity pt. 2

The other day I had my teeth cleaned. Last time I had my teeth cleaned at this particular place, the dentist, he said this to me as I was leaving the building, "Do you work out? You got a nice shape." I didn't know how to respond, so I said, "Thanks"

This office is a bizarre place.

While the dental assistant hacked away at my mouth, K-love was in the background. For those of you reading this and are not familiar with K-love, it is the local Christian music radio station that plays such cutting edge hits as DC Talk, Carmen, and the new John and Charles Wesley hymn.

Anyway, as I sat there rocking out to 4Him, I realized something. There were a lot of demands on my mouth. Confess! Spit! Wider! Don't Gossip! etc.

It's moments like these that I miss about the south.

Into the Great Wide Open

My mom, comedienne that she is, used to say the same thing when anyone asked her about camping, "My idea of camping is a Motel 6!"

Years later I have realized that my mother has scarred me. I don't really care for the outside. I have been known to say, "I hate the outside". My idea of fun is not necessarily sleeping on the ground, cooking over a fire, biodegradable toilet paper and packing out what you pack in (Especially when referring to T.P.).

When I was living in Columbia, I was involved in a youth group, I can say with confidence, I have never met a more active group of students in my life. If they weren't outside sleeping on rocks, climbing a tree or eating bark then they were wasting their time. So, as an involved leader in this group would go camping, but I would not like it. It was humid, the smoke from the fire would get in my eyes...why I was invited I'll never know.

I blame my good looks.

So you can imagine my surprise when I was invited on hiking trip.

Hiking is another interesting phenomenon. People ask me:

Matt, do you hike?

Well, I walk, I assume the principals carry over.

My wit and charm is often lost on them. Anyway, to the hiking trip. This trip had a name. We were going to hike the "Bridge to Nowhere". This did not sound promising to me. My idea of going nowhere is mostly reserved for when I talk about my life, girls or our welfare system (hi-yo!)

Little did I know that walking outside, (thats right, your not fooling me, hiking is just walking when you are OK with sweating) could be so pleasant! We hiked through the San Gabriel Mountains, forged rivers and avoided rattlesnakes.

Overall an exceptional day, I had the opportunity to see a portion of California otherwise I would have never been able to see. Growing up in Myrtle Beach, rarely are there natural things taller than I am. Hotels, yes. The ground, not so much.

Well, what else is going on?

A dear friend and former roommate, Hunter Price, is getting married on June 5th and I'll be flying to Jacksonville, Florida for that. It's a joyous event. Or At least thats what I'm telling myself, I can't help but think of Wayne's World when I think of marriage:

"Garth, marriage is a punishment for shoplifting in some countries."

I'll leave you with that.

A Brush with Death

I almost died today. This week is my finals week and has not only kept from communicating with you loyal followers of WestCoastMatt, but also it has kept me from my sweet, sweet, bed. Sleep is something that I miss dearly, like the touch from a former lover or a piece of cake for a woman on a diet, I need it, I crave it, I'm pining. I rarely pine, I'm not proud but, never the less, It's happening.

This morning at 4 a.m. an earthquake, a whopping 4.0 on the richter scale, hit sunny Los Angeles. A friend here at Fuller said she always wondered what her response would be under these auspicious circumstances. Fight? Flight? It is a question that can only be answered when you are under the gun.

Apparently my response is sleeping. Also, it is appropriate to know that I did not realize that we even had a earthquake until, Sam my roommate, mentioned it casually. He said, "Yea, it woke me up, I thought about waking you up but then I fell back asleep." It's good to know that we are people you can depend on. And by depend, I mean just assume I am dead in a major natural disaster, it will save you time and energy in the rescue process. And If I am able to find you in the end, the surprise will be all the more special.

Please know this, I was thinking about you in the end, I will miss you dearly and I look forward to seeing you in heaven. I'll meet you at Milkshake Mountain. Take a left at the cheesecake factory if you see Britney Spears you've gone to far. She's not in Heaven.

I'm in seminary, please don't question me.

"I'm going to PUMP you up"

The greatest feeling you can get in a gym, or the most satisfying feeling you can get in the gym is... The Pump. Let's say you train your biceps. Blood is rushing into your muscles and that's what we call The Pump. You muscles get a really tight feeling, like your skin is going to explode any minute, and it's really tight - it's like somebody blowing air into it, into your muscle. It just blows up, and it feels really different. It feels fantastic. -Arnold Schwarzenegger



I had no idea what that meant until today. I recently acquired a membership to gym here in Pasadena. It is a 24 hour gym, so in theory, if I get the desire to swim a lap or work on my biceps at 2 in the morning, I can. The biggest reason I signed up at the gym is because they have a pool and I really wanted to start swimming to maintain my Brad Pitt body. Part of the package deal I signed up for gave me three free hours with a trainer.

Today was the day 1.

I met with James. I was given the option to work with Mario, but the international sounding name made real nervous. I was concerned I would be forced to wear a lot of spandex and grease my hair and hit on women and talk a lot about the "passion" I have for them.

I decided on James.

James is 50 years old and could crush a brick between his thighs. He quickly told me that he is a rebel and liked to do things his way. He doesn't like protocol or rules. And being the James Dean, "Rebel without a Cause" that I am I said, "Yea man, whatever you think is best."

Here is the schedule for my time with James:

First, we sprinted to the elliptical machine's to warm up.
(Sprinting seemed unnecessary, but who am I to question a man in really tight shorts?)
Second, I stood facing a wall, holding a medicine ball, crouched down, stood up and threw the ball in the air 20 times.
Third, I did 10 push ups then turned over and did leg lifts.
(I started to get tired at this point, like real tired, like I haven't slept in a week in a half tired)
Fourth, with my legs in the air had to touch his hands with the bottoms of my feet.
All of this was apparently strengthening my core.
Fifth and finally, I sat against a wall, lifted this object, weighing 15 lbs, above my head 20 times and then immediately went in to the plank. This, I discovered, is when you place your forearms on the ground and hold your self up. This lasted for what felt like and hour but was about a minute.
(I began to lose my vision at about this point)

James is a close face talker. After we finished he was breaking down what we had done, what we are planing on doing and what I can be doing until our next meeting (Saturday 11:15a.m.) While James is explaining this, I can't see out of my left eye, I'm pretty sure I urinated all over myself and snot was running down my face. I did not realize the snot until halfway through his diatribe on prices when I began to taste something salty.

After the State of the Union, Matt's body edition was complete, it was necessary for me to use the restroom. I made my way to the toilet and began to sit down and gave up. By give up I mean, my muscles no longer worked. My butt hit the porcelain with a force unknown to me. At that moment, I decided I would live there. In stall number two, with my pants at my ankles. At that moment, that was the best possible place to raise a family.

Victor/ Victoria

The quarter is coming to an end. For me that means, papers, finals, projects and presentations. About 5 months ago when I would to talk to friends about how much I missed school and loved the classroom I forgot about this part. The end is the worst part. No time to process. Like a machine fulfilling requirements. I am have gone into mechanistic haze. I can no longer function like I one had.

Stick a fork in him he's done.

At this very moment I should be writing a paper on Theologies born out of Turmoil. Specifically, Liberation Theology. I have reconsidered and completely revamped the way I view things because of this paper. But, I cannot write anymore. Not on justice or freedom and its relationship to the community of faith. So I decided to blog instead.

I had lunch with a transvestite today.

He/She came into the restaurant that I work at and sat next to me. I was on my break eating lunch at the bar. Sat on the bar stool right beside me. There are in the ball park of 15 other places to sit in this bar and he/she decides to sit next to me. Am I flattered? Maybe, I'm not quite sure what to make of the situation. How did I know that this woman with flowing brown hair was a man? Adam's Apple and what looked to me as a missed spot shaving.

I was eating a burger, veggie patty, with steamed vegetables instead of fries. He/she ordered maybe the grossest burger we have. It contains two beef patties about 2 inches thick, lettuce, cheese, fried onions, bacon, chili and some other heart stopping items. Also, he/she had fries with cheese on them.

I was drinking water, one of the eight I drink a day. By the end of my meal had about 3 glasses of water. He/she was drinking a 24 oz. beer. By the end of his/her meal she had two, a grand total of 48 oz of beer.

I was reading from a newspaper that a customer left behind. He/she watched the television and discussed the RBI average of some dude with the bartender Mike.

We began talking and I realized that he/she was a city councilman and local business owner. I forgot which one or I would tell you. An intelligent man/woman. We discussed Obama's New health care plan and Oprah leaving television in 2012. As I left He/She complimented my shoes.

As I returned to work, as a host at a restaurant. I reflected on the last 20 minutes of my life and wondered who was more of a man? This dress and high heel wearing man/woman. Or the 24 year old host, who had steamed vegetables and read the Wall Street Journal.

I lead an odd life.