Artificial Retreat

My phone was stolen the other night.

WHAT AN INCONVENIENCE!

I was at a Fuller party, dancing, hanging and laughing. Nothing out of the ordinary, until...I could not find my phone. Nothing ruins an evening like losing a phone you don't really like, making an insurance claim and receiving the exact phone that was stolen 2 days later. That was my saturday night. My phone was taken.

One of my favorite stolen phone stories is from my friend Ryan Payne over at; http://ryanalexanderpayne.blogspot.com/. Ask him to tell you the story. It is a doozie!

But, I don't want to sound like a complainer. I decided the next day I would take these lemons and turn them into lemonade. It would be an experiment, a walk down memory lane if you will. There was a time before I had a cell phone. I was 15 when I was pleasantly surprised one christmas day with a motorola flip phone that resembled a walkie talkie that my 10 year old brother has. I went the first 14 years of life without one, how hard could it be now? I'm almost 25, 10 years later, more mature and I'm not that attached to my phone. I can go off the grid, other people will have the real problem. They won't be able to get a hold of me. They're the ones with a problem. Really, I am doing them a favor, I have been enabling them this whole time. It's time I taught them a lesson.

So, sunday was day one of Project: Blackberry = LAME-berry

Ok, so I was a complete failure at "Going off the Grid". Within 10 minutes of not having my phone, I could only think of how much my life was better when I had it. Here are a couple reasons why:

1. If I want out of a conversation, I pull out my phone and pretend to have a phone call.

2. Text messages- I love them! Conversations without all the annoying eye contact.

3. Facebook on my phone. When I am bored, I can check out people's hilarious status'.

4. Booty Calls. What did people do in the early 90's? Beepers? As if!

5. If I break down on the side of the rode, a drifter won't kill me and wear my face.

This is the conclusion I have come to. It is 2010. I am a child of technology. I live in the 21st century, its time to embrace it. I shouldn't feel bad about my inability to function without it. When technology eventually rises up and takes over the world and makes us all it's skin-slaves, I'll say, "Well, we had it good there for a while. I sure do miss my hoverboard though."

CSI:Seminary

Is it possible that all songs have been written under the premise that California will be in the background of the song? I have yet to find a song that does not fit as a part of the soundtrack to my driving, running, walking, eating, my overall life in this state.

The Beach Boys in their infinite wisdom said, "I wish they all could be California girls". The only reason they can say that is because this state is impressive. You want everything to have California as the adjective. It was made to have songs written about it. If the United States of America were a high school and the states were the students, California would the popular Prom King or Queen. (If Fuller has taught me anything it's that I need to use more gender inclusive language.)

Spring Break has been great. I have done a whole lot of nothing with a few somethings sprinkled in. It has been good to catch my breath after a long, busy quarter. I have come to the conclusion that if all of my quarters are going to be as overwhelming as this most recent one than I may not be with everyone for to much longer. And technically, I may be writing some of the last words I ever write. My epitaph, if you will. This blog could be a countdown to my inevitable death. Years from now, when people are trying to figure out why I died they will read this blog and say, "Wow, he was super lame, materialistic and kinda full of himself."

Let's be honest, if I died next week, why would anyone years from now be researching my death? It would be an open and shut case. The worst episode of CSI ever. The dialogue for CSI:Seminary would look something like this:

2 agents looking over an obviously intelligent and strikingly handsome body.

Casey:His name is Matt Johnson. It's a shame he is dead, he is handsome man.

McGruff: What do you think happened?

Casey: It looks like seminary got the best of him.

McGruff: He never even knew it was coming.

Casey: Why do you say that McGruff?

McGruff: (removes sunglasses, with a single tear falling down his cheek) Because no one knows the time or the date.

Cue a song by the Who.

Ok maybe not the best pun in the world but I can't imagine CSI:Seminary would really be all that interesting. Just a lot of references to the Nazarite vow and the Feast of Booths.

I often wonder when my non-sensical, steam of consciousness style of blogging will get old but so far I am just having a blast. I hope you are as well readers!

Now, back to some semblance of seriousness. I start school again this monday. I am taking Gospels, Pentateuch and Insights into Cultural Understanding. I'm sure there will be some hijinks to be had in these classes and you will be the first ones to know my faithful WestCoastMatt readers.