Into the Great Wide Open

My mom, comedienne that she is, used to say the same thing when anyone asked her about camping, "My idea of camping is a Motel 6!"

Years later I have realized that my mother has scarred me. I don't really care for the outside. I have been known to say, "I hate the outside". My idea of fun is not necessarily sleeping on the ground, cooking over a fire, biodegradable toilet paper and packing out what you pack in (Especially when referring to T.P.).

When I was living in Columbia, I was involved in a youth group, I can say with confidence, I have never met a more active group of students in my life. If they weren't outside sleeping on rocks, climbing a tree or eating bark then they were wasting their time. So, as an involved leader in this group would go camping, but I would not like it. It was humid, the smoke from the fire would get in my eyes...why I was invited I'll never know.

I blame my good looks.

So you can imagine my surprise when I was invited on hiking trip.

Hiking is another interesting phenomenon. People ask me:

Matt, do you hike?

Well, I walk, I assume the principals carry over.

My wit and charm is often lost on them. Anyway, to the hiking trip. This trip had a name. We were going to hike the "Bridge to Nowhere". This did not sound promising to me. My idea of going nowhere is mostly reserved for when I talk about my life, girls or our welfare system (hi-yo!)

Little did I know that walking outside, (thats right, your not fooling me, hiking is just walking when you are OK with sweating) could be so pleasant! We hiked through the San Gabriel Mountains, forged rivers and avoided rattlesnakes.

Overall an exceptional day, I had the opportunity to see a portion of California otherwise I would have never been able to see. Growing up in Myrtle Beach, rarely are there natural things taller than I am. Hotels, yes. The ground, not so much.

Well, what else is going on?

A dear friend and former roommate, Hunter Price, is getting married on June 5th and I'll be flying to Jacksonville, Florida for that. It's a joyous event. Or At least thats what I'm telling myself, I can't help but think of Wayne's World when I think of marriage:

"Garth, marriage is a punishment for shoplifting in some countries."

I'll leave you with that.

On a scale of 1-100

How much better would my life be if I could breathe underwater? On a scale of 1-100: 7 billion.

I've lost it. I'm not sure I have ever had it. I'm not even really clear what it was, but it's gone.

My mind. It's gone. It resembles something like hummus.

I have resigned myself to really consider the big questions. Like the one at the top here. What would I do if I could breathe underwater? Swim all the time.

How sweet would it be if I could live in space? On a scale of 1-100: 10 billion

There is no doubt in my mind, if I am ever given an opportunity to go to space, consider it done. Whether it is Star Trek or the movie Moon, I'm there. Space, the final frontier. I need to explore. Here's the problem, I don't think I am any way prepared, academically, to go to space. Although, if we need to figure out how to evangelize space, I'm your man. Suffice to say, if there are any really rich readers out there, WESTCOASTMATT would be willing to go to space, I am not above doing Janitorial Duties. Keep me mind.

How much do I want to punch babies? Scale of 1-100: 100

I was at Starbucks the other day, you know, being a hip, cool student. Reading in the sun with my dark roast coffee. I'm feeling sufficiently arrogant and better than every one until I feel something hit me in the back of the head. A blueberry. I turned around and, what looked to me to be a 10 year old boy, launching these berries at passersby. Slowly, these blueberries became lethal and this sniper began to zero in on my head. I, casually turned my head to look at the responsible adult and give a visual cue to communicate, "Your kid hit me with a blueberry, please begin with the appropriate beating." To say the least, these bleeding heart liberal californians apparently don't believe in a healthy punishment.

I on the other hand became the man I am today because the stiff right hook from my father.

The end of my third quarter is approaching. This also signifies the halfway mark of my masters degree. Slowly, I am becoming a relative expert in the world of Theology. Maybe not an expert but someone who could in theory be viewed as someone who knows what they are talking about.

This brings me to some ideas for my next Master's Degree:

Hip Hop. Specifically the work of MF Doom and Jurassic 5

The Coen Brothers: The use of dark images in comedy

Shoes: Nikes Air Max 90's, Adidas Star Wars Edition. Why Nike is better than Adidas.

These are just a few thoughts on my continuing education.

Summer Loving

I'm currently taking applications for my summertime girlfriend. It will consist of hand holding and musical numbers. An Essay and 2 letters of recommendation are required. Freckles are a plus. Also, no commitment past Labor Day

Saturday, May 1st was a bizarre day. Really nothing about it was a typical day in my life. It started with heading into Downtown LA with a class group. We we're supposed to "observe" a community. Well, downtown was having a Cinco De Mayo celebration, and I can't think of a better use of my time. Taquitos and Margaritas were flowing like wine. (I'm not sure how the metaphor applies to taquitos...go with it) While we were downtown, we decided to "stop by" the march on city hall in opposition to the recent activities in Arizona.

I'm not sure how many protests you have attended, this was my first. It was philosophically interesting, but emotionally disconcerting. There were more or less 250,000 people in downtown LA, marching and protesting this recent bill. I don't know where you stand, but I make it a point to not talk about serious things, ever.

I'll leave it at this, what has Arizona really ever given me? A boycott doesn't really affect me, now if you ask me to boycott the GAP? Then I have some serious problems.

My day continued with homework, and then bizarrely enough I ended up watching The Notebook. But, let me tell you the circumstances surrounding it. I came home around 8:30, made a PB&J with raspberry jelly, a Gin and Tonic and sat down a balled my eyes out.

That darn Rachel McAdams is a spirited lady.

So, because of the events of my saturday, I have decided to hire for a new position.

"Summertime Girlfriend" The ad is at the top of this blog and any/all who are interested should reply by a comment to this blog.

Why the application? Well, I'm just trying to weed out the ones who are not interested in musical theatre. I think thats reason enough, I can have standards, right?

Also, if these marches are an indication of anything, it is the fact that the world is coming to an end. Maybe I am more sensitive to it now that I live in california - and a stiff breeze could knock this state into the pacific - but no one wants to be alone during the apocalypse.

Am I right?