Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Fancy New Places

Please follow me here,

Its a happy place.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

A Proposition of the Non-Sexual Kind

Recently, I have been thinking a lot about expectations. This takes form in two different ways.
1. In a serious manner
2. In a ludacris way (Yes, I know thats spelled like the rapper, I like it better that way)

I'll spare you the serious one, mostly because its full of nuances and not really thought through. Also, no one reads WestCoastMatt for insights into the human psyche. You want my stellar wit!

I am always happy to oblige.

So, way back in May I tried to give myself a relaxed summer. This was a colossal failure. I tried to sign up for one class that I new would have a busy workload, the other I figured would be a breeze. Well, that didn't workout. Instead I ended up taking 2 heavy workload classes and haven't left the library for 2 straight weeks, and recycled air is the best. If you wondering what my thoughts were on Spirit Christologies than you are in luck, I have 700 words ready to email to you!

These classes came quickly after my lightning quick visit to the east coast and my family visiting me here in L.A. Overall, it has been a busy summer, I was not "expecting" it to be quite this busy. (See what I did there?)

So here's my question to you loyal followers: What should I do with all this time?
If you would be willing to give me ideas, I will make a covenant with you. I will complete these tasks and post a picture of me doing it. Here's my request, nothing I that could qualify me as a sex offender or full nudity. Partial I'm alright with.

Ok, there it is...Give me your thoughts. Leave a comment on this blog and I will try and complete it.

Also, I have twitter, johnsonspeaks. If you do too, lets follow each other and I can tweet some of these things for instantaneous results.

This is fun for everyone, trust me.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Artificial Retreat

My phone was stolen the other night.


I was at a Fuller party, dancing, hanging and laughing. Nothing out of the ordinary, until...I could not find my phone. Nothing ruins an evening like losing a phone you don't really like, making an insurance claim and receiving the exact phone that was stolen 2 days later. That was my saturday night. My phone was taken.

One of my favorite stolen phone stories is from my friend Ryan Payne over at; Ask him to tell you the story. It is a doozie!

But, I don't want to sound like a complainer. I decided the next day I would take these lemons and turn them into lemonade. It would be an experiment, a walk down memory lane if you will. There was a time before I had a cell phone. I was 15 when I was pleasantly surprised one christmas day with a motorola flip phone that resembled a walkie talkie that my 10 year old brother has. I went the first 14 years of life without one, how hard could it be now? I'm almost 25, 10 years later, more mature and I'm not that attached to my phone. I can go off the grid, other people will have the real problem. They won't be able to get a hold of me. They're the ones with a problem. Really, I am doing them a favor, I have been enabling them this whole time. It's time I taught them a lesson.

So, sunday was day one of Project: Blackberry = LAME-berry

Ok, so I was a complete failure at "Going off the Grid". Within 10 minutes of not having my phone, I could only think of how much my life was better when I had it. Here are a couple reasons why:

1. If I want out of a conversation, I pull out my phone and pretend to have a phone call.
2. Text messages- I love them! Conversations without all the annoying eye contact.
3. Facebook on my phone. When I am bored, I can check out people's hilarious status'.
4. Booty Calls. What did people do in the early 90's? Beepers? As if!
5. If I break down on the side of the rode, a drifter won't kill me and wear my face.

This is the conclusion I have come to. It is 2010. I am a child of technology. I live in the 21st century, its time to embrace it. I shouldn't feel bad about my inability to function without it. When technology eventually rises up and takes over the world and makes us all it's skin-slaves, I'll say, "Well, we had it good there for a while. I sure do miss my hoverboard though."

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Tell Them...

I once took a speech class in college and the professor said one thing over and over that eventually made me want to kill myself and throw up simultaneously.

"Tell them what you're gonna tell them, Tell them, Tell them what you told them"

So in honor of that, I give you my outline for this blog.
1. Paying Attention
2. Star Sighting
3. P.D.A.

1. I started classes again Monday. I am taking a 5 week intensive, Hebrew Prophets. If any of you read this with sort of consistency (or talk to me on a regular basis) you know that I have been doing a bit of traveling/sitting around recently. I have mostly been filling my time with a whole lot of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. She really knows how to take care of business. Anyway, when I attended my first class of the summer quarter, I forgot how to pay attention. This is not to say that the Professor is boring, (although he could stand to look more like Sarah Michelle Gellar) but he sure was not killing vampires. Here's the thing, he spent 3 hours talking about the the theology of Joshua and Judges. It's like he doesn't want me to pay attention.

Interesting? Yes. But, he totally jumped over all the sweet battles, Prostitutes getting chopped up, dudes ripping off a jawbone of a lion and then beating the lion with it. This stuff is gold.

2. This morning, July 28, 2010. I saw Bradley Whitford! You may remember him from such shows as The West Wing and Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. I can legitimately say I was star struck. I love this dude. I think he is hilarious and handsome (Yes, I said it.) My love for him is only trumped by one man, Tom Hanks. He will forever be number 1. And if I saw him on the street, let it be known I would urinate my pants.

3. Finally, a quick discussion on P.D.A.. Maybe it was was my southern conservative up-bringing. Or maybe it is my aversion to physical touch in general, but public displays of affection make my stomach turn. To be clear, I'm not talking about a quick kiss or hand holding. That I'm okay with and even encourage. But, when I am sitting in Starbucks working on a paper and glance outside to see a guys hand down the back of a girls pants, it kinda makes me want to poke out my own eyes with my ice coffee straw.

Well, I told you about:
1. Paying Attention
2. Star Sighting
3. P.D.A.

I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did, or at least as much as the Starbucks couple.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Summer: Friend or Foe?

Summer. What is it? When I was a kid. Summer was a coveted time. Countdowns started the first day of school. It meant complete and total freedom from teachers and their dirty looks. Summer was hot, which meant serious pool/beach time. Spending the night at friends houses. Staying up late. Summertime romances. Vacations and most importantly...NO SCHOOL!!

And then, You would return to school, put on that leather jacket with T-birds on the back. Realize that your summer romance moved to your school and then you sing in unison with your fellow T-birds. At the same time this girl and her new friends are singing the same song but the lamer, more love filled version of the same song. We'll call this song "Summer Lovin"

Fine, thats Grease, but if my life looked more like John Travolta's, it wouldn't be the worst thing.

But now I find myself in this weird, hybrid adult-college world, aka: "College 2: Prolonged Adolescence" I don't have a summer. Technically, by the definition I gave above I haven't had a summer in quite some time.

I remember being in college and talking to an admissions woman who, I think generally hated her life, said to me, "Summer really just becomes the 'hot time' of the year" That immediately depressed me. (And that women satisfied her need to kill the spirit of Bible College students) I now know what she meant. Summer is actually a gigantic tease. It plays with you, it seduces us with its sun and warm temperatures, but really its just hot and you sweat in uncomfortable places.

I try and best summer by wearing less clothing or "breathable" clothing. This never works and you are reminded why mesh is strictly a transvestite statement. Fashion for summer is also a tease, who doesn't want to wear tank tops and linen pants? Boy I do! But, they fail to mention, that unless you look like Matthew McConaughey you should just wear a T-shirt. Probably a Parka.

But, here is my real problem, I miss what summer used to mean. Movies capture this well, the perfect summer experience. Fun adventures, great conversations and best of all, little to no sweat, depending on the situation. (if your looking for buried treasure, a little sweat is expected even desired)

So here it is, in conclusion, Summer is the popular girl in high school. Once you leave high school she becomes unimpressive and you have moved on to more stimulating things. I prefer Fall. I would like to propose that fall is the most intellectual of seasons. Fall is the girl who awkwardly read Jane Austin in the corner but, comes into her own in college when personalities become more important for guys.

And with a solid dose of chauvinism, I bid you adieu.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Johnsons vs. SoCal

Well, here it goes. My fingers are unfamiliar with this territory...this blogging.

It has been to long. I've missed you. In case you forgot what I look like or who I am, here are the important facts;

Brown hair/eyes
Hilarious Wit
Stunning Good looks, often likened to the love child of George Clooney and Brad Pitt.

Here's a pic...

Ok, my life recently has been spent in motion. I have been dancing, flying, driving, running, rollercoasting, zooing and eating.

A lot of eating.

My family was here in L.A. for the last 10 days and let me tell ya, we Johnson's can vacation. I'm not talking lounging by the pool with a trashy novel and going in and out of a R.E.M. cycle vacationing. I'm talking putting about 400 miles on my car and seeing quite possibly every corner of Southern California. We went to Disneyland, San Diego Zoo and everything in between.

The members in attendance for this trip were Dad, Mom, Michelle and the ever hilarious Johnathan. Johnathan at one point as the tour guide, pointing out important details like Porn billboards and Taco Bells says, "It's getting hot in here, take off your clothes." As an older brother I could not have been prouder of him referencing Nelly so casually.

My job is complete.

I wish I had pictures for you all (soon to come), because there are some gems. My Dad looks high (like on pot or the crack), Mom jumped and the kids are dang good looking.

I have more stories but, I have forgotten how to type more than this.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Humidity pt. 2

The other day I had my teeth cleaned. Last time I had my teeth cleaned at this particular place, the dentist, he said this to me as I was leaving the building, "Do you work out? You got a nice shape." I didn't know how to respond, so I said, "Thanks"

This office is a bizarre place.

While the dental assistant hacked away at my mouth, K-love was in the background. For those of you reading this and are not familiar with K-love, it is the local Christian music radio station that plays such cutting edge hits as DC Talk, Carmen, and the new John and Charles Wesley hymn.

Anyway, as I sat there rocking out to 4Him, I realized something. There were a lot of demands on my mouth. Confess! Spit! Wider! Don't Gossip! etc.

It's moments like these that I miss about the south.