Friday, March 26, 2010

CSI:Seminary

Is it possible that all songs have been written under the premise that California will be in the background of the song? I have yet to find a song that does not fit as a part of the soundtrack to my driving, running, walking, eating, my overall life in this state.

The Beach Boys in their infinite wisdom said, "I wish they all could be California girls". The only reason they can say that is because this state is impressive. You want everything to have California as the adjective. It was made to have songs written about it. If the United States of America were a high school and the states were the students, California would the popular Prom King or Queen. (If Fuller has taught me anything it's that I need to use more gender inclusive language.)

Spring Break has been great. I have done a whole lot of nothing with a few somethings sprinkled in. It has been good to catch my breath after a long, busy quarter. I have come to the conclusion that if all of my quarters are going to be as overwhelming as this most recent one than I may not be with everyone for to much longer. And technically, I may be writing some of the last words I ever write. My epitaph, if you will. This blog could be a countdown to my inevitable death. Years from now, when people are trying to figure out why I died they will read this blog and say, "Wow, he was super lame, materialistic and kinda full of himself."

Let's be honest, if I died next week, why would anyone years from now be researching my death? It would be an open and shut case. The worst episode of CSI ever. The dialogue for CSI:Seminary would look something like this:

2 agents looking over an obviously intelligent and strikingly handsome body.
Casey:His name is Matt Johnson. It's a shame he is dead, he is handsome man.
McGruff: What do you think happened?
Casey: It looks like seminary got the best of him.
McGruff: He never even knew it was coming.
Casey: Why do you say that McGruff?
McGruff: (removes sunglasses, with a single tear falling down his cheek) Because no one knows the time or the date.
Cue a song by the Who.

Ok maybe not the best pun in the world but I can't imagine CSI:Seminary would really be all that interesting. Just a lot of references to the Nazarite vow and the Feast of Booths.

I often wonder when my non-sensical, steam of consciousness style of blogging will get old but so far I am just having a blast. I hope you are as well readers!

Now, back to some semblance of seriousness. I start school again this monday. I am taking Gospels, Pentateuch and Insights into Cultural Understanding. I'm sure there will be some hijinks to be had in these classes and you will be the first ones to know my faithful WestCoastMatt readers.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Hip or not Hip?


I am continually amazed and how trendy Los Angeles is. I like to believe that I am a fairly trendy individual. Also, coming from South Carolina, I may have been on the "cutting edge" from time to time. I may have even, dare I say, started a trend or two.

But, in L.A. I am tragically behind, unhip, another face in the crowd.

Currently I am sitting in a coffeeshop in downtown Hollywood called Psychobabble, and I can count 9 apple computers, not including mine. 3 leather jackets (It's 78 degrees outside but that is neither here nor there.) Everyone looks like either Buddy Holly or a Homeless man/woman.

When I first moved out to California I was amazed at how hip everyone was. To see people dressed the way that people here do in SC, you could probably name their favorite bands and you could guess at least 2 or 3 of their top 5. (most of which includes Animal Collective or Vampire Weekend).

But, I have to realize, in L.A. there is not really any other option. Within about 5 minutes from my house there is 2 urban outfitters, an apple store, Louis Vuitton and an American Apparel.

At what point does hip become unhip when it lies within such close proximity to your home?

I don't know the answer to my question, but this is my concern, am I uncool?

I'm not asking in a metaphysical, what does it all mean kind of way, I mean it in the most shallow way possible. I think about my dad. At some point he picked a look and said, "Yep, this will work for the next 30 years." If all people come to this place, then am I sticking with Gap jeans and pull over collar shirts? I'll chalk it up to the classic look that never goes out of style.

If you are new to the WestCoastMatt blog and based on the 2 previous blogs you are wondering if I am really this materialistic and concerned with appearance...well...I am.

So if any of you have younger siblings, tell them to email me what they are doing, saying and wearing in High school, I gotta stay hip!
This is from Paste Magazine and pretty much encompasses my life the last 10 years. I watched and participated.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Spring Break 0-10?

I am currently in Spring Break right now. At Fuller we are on a quarter system, so that means that I have 10 weeks of classes and then a break.

To be honest, my Spring Break was already starting in the negative. Many of you know that I have been a loyal Apple user for quite some time. Is started with my iPod. It has been a slippery slope ever since. I have had an iphone for a couple of years and recently I broke it. You don't know how much it pains me to admit to that fact. I want more than anything to be able to say that some big bully took my phone and broke it. Or that I was talking on it and I was swept up into a Jason Bourne style mission and the phone stopped a bullet aimed for my inner ear.

No, the story is this, I put the phone in my chest pocket of my button up shirt while I was in the bathroom. I bent over to pick up my pants and the phone slipped right out of my pocket. At that moment I entered a movie, instant slo-mo. I watched as it raced towards the ground, but I had this terrible feeling in my stomach that it was over. It hit the ground and made a terrible shattering sound. I picked it up to reveal a shattered screen.
(I am in tears as I write this, all iPhone users will understand)

As you can imagine my heart was broken. I now have a blackberry. Let me tell you something, I have been on both sides and the grass is definitely greener over there on the Apple side. I miss the faster 3G network. I hope there is an app for my depression, because it has hit me, like a wave. A wave of depression.

Materialism aside...

Well, the week before my Spring Break was maybe the most hellish thing I've ever experienced. To be quite frank the last two weeks were just ridiculous. I was ready for the break. The last thing I had to accomplish was an Early Church History exam. This almost did me in. 500 years of history in two essay questions and 7 Identification questions. When some students asked for guidance or a direction to study the professor replied, "Hmm..well...you should know it all, very well". So as you can imagine I was super psyched for that. But in other news, if you want to know the relationship Augustine had with the Donatists and how that affected the Roman State at that time, I am more than ready to give you an essay on the topic.

When I finally completed the test, one song came to mind Celine Dion's It's all coming back to me now. Why you ask? Well, I have not had a Spring Break in quite some time. As a young college student you have lofty ideas on how to spend your time. Los Angeles, Bahamas, Miami etc. MTV dedicates weeks to this. Women get pregnant. It's a crazy time. I had not really thought about mine. Because as you may remember, I was neck deep in the Chalcedon Council. (If you're not familiar, you're not missing much, Christ was incarnated blah blah blah.)

But as I left that room, I was reminded of the beautiful thing that is Spring Break. No School! What was I going to do with all that time? Sleep. But also I wanted to explore, to see new sites, experience new things. This I most definitely did.

San Diego.

Me and a few Fuller friends took a day trip and did it right. We ate mexican food. Rode a roller coaster. I bought some fresh kicks. (Translation: shoes) Ate Pizza and ended the day with maybe one of the greatest pieces of cheesecakes that have ever crossed these lips.

So Far Spring Break has been great as a Master's Student. But, more thoughts on that later.
In closing I leave you with this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pDxoj-tDDIU

Enjoy.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

A Brush with Death

I almost died today. This week is my finals week and has not only kept from communicating with you loyal followers of WestCoastMatt, but also it has kept me from my sweet, sweet, bed. Sleep is something that I miss dearly, like the touch from a former lover or a piece of cake for a woman on a diet, I need it, I crave it, I'm pining. I rarely pine, I'm not proud but, never the less, It's happening.

This morning at 4 a.m. an earthquake, a whopping 4.0 on the richter scale, hit sunny Los Angeles. A friend here at Fuller said she always wondered what her response would be under these auspicious circumstances. Fight? Flight? It is a question that can only be answered when you are under the gun.

Apparently my response is sleeping. Also, it is appropriate to know that I did not realize that we even had a earthquake until, Sam my roommate, mentioned it casually. He said, "Yea, it woke me up, I thought about waking you up but then I fell back asleep." It's good to know that we are people you can depend on. And by depend, I mean just assume I am dead in a major natural disaster, it will save you time and energy in the rescue process. And If I am able to find you in the end, the surprise will be all the more special.

Please know this, I was thinking about you in the end, I will miss you dearly and I look forward to seeing you in heaven. I'll meet you at Milkshake Mountain. Take a left at the cheesecake factory if you see Britney Spears you've gone to far. She's not in Heaven.

I'm in seminary, please don't question me.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Right the Price is...


Monday I had the opportunity to go to The Price Is Right, and what a spectacle that was. So far in Los Angeles I've gone to Late Night with Jimmy Kimmel and The Tonight Show with Conan O'brian (RIP). These two talk shows were an experience. The goal for these shows is to entertain you. It is a weird experience. They want you there, they need you there. Because, what are these guys really without an audience? It suggests the old question, if a tree falls in the forest with no one to hear? If a joke is told and there is no one there to laugh, is it funny?
Anyway, The Price is right is nothing like those shows. As soon as you step on to that CBS lot you enter into an odd relationship with the show. You now want something from these people. Like, a matching set of Jet-skis, a trip to Brazil, Cutco Knives or A BRAND NEW CAR!!! This is how it works.

Arrive:11:45
Wait in line for about an hour in half as they figure out what groups are there and not there.

1:15: Wait to be interviewed. Put on your most excited face so you can be picked.

3:15: Go inside, wait for the show to start.

3:30 Show starts. Wait in anticipation for your name to be called.

4:45 Leave disappointed that someone's grandmother is going to the Yucatan with $1,000 and a brand new sweater set from Cold-water Creek instead of you.

I was in a bad mood all day. Not because there was a ridculous amount of materialism and Hollywood fakeness around me. That doesn't bother and, honestly, most of time I thrive on materialism. But, because I was starving! That morning before I left I had a bagel with cream cheese. I did not eat another real meal until about 6. Because of the lack of sustenance, I did not put on my game face for the interview. I more or less grunted answers that may or may not have been incomprehensible.

Needless to say, I did not make it on.

The day was not a total loss for me though. After our excursion into TV land, we went and ate. At that point I would have eaten my shoe, but we went to the Farmer's Market at The Grove. The Grove is an outdoor mall and it is not uncommon to see celebrities there. That evening was no different.

While in the Farmer's Market, after I ate my Jambalaya, I was sitting with the group and guess who I saw...Kevin Bacon. The star actor from such films as The Air Up There, Footloose, Death Sentence and A Few Good Men.
He tried to be all casual and walk by me with a Philadelphia Eagles hat on, but it did not work Kevin, I saw you.
I didn't talk to him, but I sure did follow him around for the next 10 minutes.

Kevin, here is eating a burrito, I like to believe it is a pork burrito, my favorite. We have so much in common.